#91

The long late night train ride home did not bother her, even if it was the second time she had to make the trip back to Brooklyn that day. She could already imagine the new route she would soon take that would bring her to her own home, her healed self. Her head hurt a bit, but in a short while it would be on a pillow, the excitement of the day dripping out of her brain and slowly down the back of her throat until it would reach her heart and help with the mending going on there.

With only five stops left to go, the train came to a slow pause in between two stations. Neither here nor there. Right in between. After some moments of silence, or minutes, really, a muffled voice came over the PA to tell the passengers of some kind of situation that was causing a delay. Some groaned, some hooted, some, like her, put their headphones in a leaned back.

Sleep was so close she could taste it. She could smell it. Like burnt cotton candy. Like a hot tire. Like a hair dryer. She opened her eyes and noticed people were talking to each other. Strangers were sharing words and looks. She pulled out her headphones just as the door at one end of the train opened and a line of scared looking passengers rushed forward. Smoke began to fill the car.

Someone yelled for them to close the door.

“You’re letting in the smoke!”

“We gotta move back. Can’t breathe up front.”

“There’s a fire.”

“Should we move?”

“Why aren’t they telling us to move?”

The lights in the train flickered. She watched as some stood and joined the stream heading to the next car. Others sat and just shook their heads. Those who had masks put them on.

Her eyes burned but her body stayed put. She reached for her phone with a shaky hand. She opened the messages, which were filled with congratulations on getting her own place. Her own place alone. She stopped, unsure who to text now. Her fingers hovered above the lines of names.

The train was still stuck between two stations. It wouldn’t be moving her any further. Don’t be an idiot, she told herself. And she calmed her thumbs enough to send a message, letting someone know she was scared, but she would be fine.