Pigeon Q & A: Bird hair

I just got about 8 pounds of hair cut off and then I went out of town for a few days, so no one around here really saw me until Tuesday. Here’s an excerpt from a conversation I had Tuesday afternoon on the way home from the subway.

Pigeon: Haven’t seen you in a few days. You look different.

Mary: Yeah, I got a pretty substantial haircut.

Pigeon: I like it. It fits you. Reminds me of a do this chick my brother used to see had. She was a wild one.

Mary: Yeah, sometimes it felt like my long hair was taking over my head and I just wanted people to see me for–wait, did you say you knew a bird with similar hair?

P: I did. Pigeon out in Jersey City.

M: But pigeons don’t have hair.

P: Don’t have hair?! What do you mean?

M: I mean, you have feathers, but you don’t have hair like we do.

P: We?

M: You know, humans.

P: For your information, sweetheart, I got a hell of a lot more hair on my head than most these goons I see out here on their way to work each morning, clinging to a few strands greased back over their shiny fat domes.

Interviewer’s note: At this point in the conversation, the pigeon removed what was apparently a small cap, like a swim cap, from his head to reveal a shiny black quaff, reminiscent of a young Roy Orbison. Once the cap was removed, he began combing the sides of the hair to the back to keep the hairdo tight.

M: Ho-ly shit. Look at that!

P: What’d I tell ya! I got a gorgeous thing going on here.

M: Why do you keep it under that cap?

P: Have you ever seen how much a pigeon has to jump and bob and weave and fly in a single hour? It would never stay put. Plus, the city air tends to give it a little too much poof. Pigeons take great pride in their hair.

M: So you all wear those? All of the time? I have to admit I’ve never seen a pigeon with hair.

P: I’m sure you have, you just didn’t notice. Any pigeon with something worth showing off keeps their flight cap on during the day. At night, however–oh baby–when things get started back at the Coop, well, let’s just say we really let our hair down.